What d'you think of this excerpt from my novel? Rate and Comment please?
It's a fantasy horror novel *Jared was being chased by a shadow. It's raining, with blinding flashes of lightning and blaring thunder. Jared could sense the storm was not natural as he was a wizard but he did not know (He'll find out in chapter 2). They later find out the rain was being caused by the Faerie of Weather. Jared is 17 and black.* It's just a summary of what happened before this. *I hope you enjoy* Jared fled to his room, slammed the door behind him and ran to flip his mattress from its base, sending his sheets and blankets flying in the other direction. There were two Colt Single Action Army handguns hidden there, both 1873 models, both holding six rounds of ammunition. He grabbed the old, rusting guns, one in his right hand the other in his left, and went to stand besides the door with his back against the wall. Waiting. Trying not to think about the fact that he had never fired a gun at anything in his entire life. But how hard could it be? It's just point and shoot, right? The room was suddenly filled with wavering lights, lightning was flashing wildly outside. Shadows of shedding trees swaying like long, disembodied fingers on his bedroom floor. Just as the lightning ceased, an episode of raging thunder pervaded the entire room. And, right there, in front of him, he was staring directly into a pair of dark, depressing eyes. It was the hooded figure. The shadow. Chapter 2 Jared Hawkins's mind was washed blank with panic. He must've screamed. He wasn't sure. His blood went stone cold. One of his guns fell to the floor and he gripped the other even tighter. But he did not have enough energy, or wits, to actually pull the trigger. He was terrified. His heart was beating frantically, thumping with a force so strong his ribs felt as though they were cracking. He blinked, wishing he could drive himself even deeper into the concrete wall. "Aren't you going to shoot?" asked a flat, emotionless voice. Jared could not answer. His jaws were locked. He could only stare. The shadow was no longer a shadow. It was now a girl apparelled in black everything. She had a hood on, part of her face was concealled in shadows but Jared saw enough to make out most of her features. She had very, very pale skin. Her eyes were very dark, emotionless and absolutely desolate, just like her voice. She had dark lips below her thin nose. She couldn't be human. Not after she changed from being mere shadows to assume a human form like that. Something about her made her look exceptionally intelligent though. Jared could not see anything else because the black hooded cape she was wearing covered her body completely so that she was one mass of deep black. "I-I," he stammered. "You gon' kill me?" "Aren't I supposed to be the one asking you that? I mean you're the one with guns," said the girl. "But, anyway, no. I'm saving you." "From what, exactly," Jared choked with disbelief. "Y'all be the one scarin' niggers 'n turnin' into creepy shadow thingies!" "Back there," said the girl, almost as if shocked, only her movements suggested so but her voice was remained flat, "you saw me?" "It's hard to miss the Grim Reaper!" "I was supposed to be completely invisible. It's either you are turning into a Stygian Druid or I'm getting sloppy," she said in almost a whisper. "And I don't get sloppy." "I'm turnin' into a Stygi-what?" shouted Jared, almost dropping the other revolver. "Woman, whatchoo talkin' 'bout?" "Sheesh, calm dowm. And I'm not a woman, I'm a girl," she said, almost reprovingly. "I'll explain if you leave with me." "I ain't goin' nowhere wit'choo. I dunno you," he forced a laugh. "Foo', do I look like a nutcase to you?" "Please, stop insulting me or I'll do something YOU will regret," she said in a calm but extremely threatening voice. "My name is Kiara O'Neill and I'm here to save your behind. It's either you come with me now or you die." "Why would anyone wanna waste a good-for-nothin' nigger like me?" he squealled, a large lump pushing up his throat. At the same time the light bulb fluttered and switched itself on before it burst into a million shards with a popping sound. That always happened when he got excited, in this case, scared. "You have to come with me if you want to live long enough to find out," replied Kiara without even flinching when the light bulb shuttered. She didn't even look to see what had happened behind her. Jared hesitated, stooped and picked the other gun then he looked at Kiara, "That ain't good enough." Kiara extended her jaw outward, conveying extrem Kiara extended her jaw outward, conveying extreme agitation, folded her arms and glared at Jared, "Really? Well I don't -" Before she could finish, blaring thunder vibrated through the wall. Blinding lightning flashed and filled the room with wavering shadows. Jared felt a strong surge of power rip through him. Electrical energy coursed up and down the length of his entire body. He gasped, then screamed in horror.

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